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Long ago, when I was still but a pup, I had a really bad acid trip. The inspiration for the user pic I have is based on that acid trip. Here's the short of it:
-I dropped acid, started having a good time, came up waaaay high and was doing ok.
-I then smoked weed, which everyone knows makes you higher when on hallucinogens, because weed is a mild hallucinogen.
-That was cool for a total of like 3 minutes until I started dissociating so fast that I could not rationalise what was happening, so I snapped out of my body and started instantly having a bad trip. I actually slammed my head on the ground (I had blacked out at this point) and started screaming "Oh fuck I'm in Hell". I don't remember any of this.
- I remember waking up an unknown amount of time later in the dirt (literally) wondering what the fuck I was doing there, and my rational followed along these lines:
There is no rational explanation for me being in the dirt, without knowing how I got here, without me being dead. Since I feel the most intense fear I have ever experienced, I can equate this to hell. Since I am dead and in hell, this sucks.
- I then proceed to scoff at god, telling him "nice fucking trap!" and "You got me god! Way to fucking go! YOU ASSHOLE!". I am proud to say that I never begged for mercy, which I realise now, and I think that is the bravest thing I have ever done. At the time, I thought acid was a fictitious drug that I had invented (or god had put in my life) to lure me into ending my existence.
Here's the fucking weird bit.
-Outside of Yosemite Sam lassoing me into hell. This is what happened. Time started spiralling to a stand still. Then it would spiral out.
Its hard to explain, but I will try.
Imagine a point (which we will call existence) and time stretches infinitely around this point. Now imagine the time surrounding this point undergoing a washer effect... where all that infinite time gets bunched up and pulled tightly around that central point. Its like a fucking whirlpool. Well, when the time would get curled up around that point, time LITERALLY stopped for me. I wasn't breathing, I wasn't moving, I wasn't even existing outside of one though... OH FUCK!
Then time would spin outwards, I would catch up with the portion of time I was in standstill with and start rationalising it (as humans do). I would say to myself, time did not stand still, its impossible, bla bla bla. Then it would happen again. I can honestly say it felt no less than 30 years, the time it took me to walk 6 blocks to my house from the party I was previously at. When I got back to the apartment. I watched the clock... the second hand would tick tick tick... then it would move slower, and everyone in the room moved slower, and slower, and slower, until it stopped. Completely stopped moving. Time froze on that couch so many times it hurts to remember. Then it would all flood back in like a tidal wave. Crash into me. The clock would whiz ahead to the appropriate time and people in the house would rush forward. It was terrifying.
Here's the point; I realise this was all a really bad trip, god doesn't exist, and time wasnt actually standing still. I can rationalise that for the most part (although I sometimes have panic attacks, to this day), but what really bothers me is this article:
http://breakingnews.ie/world/bizarre-theory-suggests-time-may-be-running-out-341140.html
I just read this and it breaks my fucking heart. I fucking pity the organism which will undergo this demonic force of nature, if any, because I feel I have partially tasted this demise. I am still not convinced this is not how my life will end, I have yet to see my fate fully. Regardless, what this theory presents is my acid trip manifested in reality. A point where time spirals to a stand still is approaching, and the only response to this fact I can possibly, FUCKING muster, are TWO STUPID GOD DAMN WORDS! GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH!,
and these to words are: OH FUCKCurrent Mood: fucking BROKEN Current Music: The void screams in my memory |
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All I can say is: Tvangeste
\m/Current Music: Tvangeste - Storm |
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Work, work, work. School all week, work all week. You know, its hard getting by on such low wages, especially when my financial aid has yet to arrive. I need to buckle down and.... wait... holy shit, Nicole bought me a pack of smokes and left them in front of the monitor! WOO HOO! GO NICOLE!
Anyway... as I was saying..
I need to get my shit together for next quarter. I really want to take M2O with Rob, but I think that I might need to de-stress my school environment for another quarter or so. I was thinking about taking some logic classes, since I feel that I need a firm grasp of it to truly excel at anything (Especially life!). Maybe even Physics; Kate and her friends that are in this Chemistry course are Physics nerds, and they make it sound so fucking interesting. Besides, everyone knows that the next HUGE fucking discovery is going to be in Physics. It might even be this year (Large Hadron fires up in September I think). I love feeling like I am so close to really knowing all there is to know about chemistry (as far as that can be said) and it's really exciting to have explanations for everything that happens around me. I feel empowered by it, not because I feel smarter than others, but because I feel like I have overcome a blury haze of ignorance.
Oh, FUCK religion btw.
FUCK IT.
This, too, comes from the haze veil being lifted.
Alas, I need to know it all, and there is so little time! It breaks my fucking heart knowing I will eventually have to pick one subject and master it. I WANT TO KNOW IT ALL GODDAMNIT! SOMEONE BUILD ME A FUCKING ROBOT BODY SO I CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS!Current Mood:  tired Current Music: Writing some in my head. Need to switch OS's |
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BWaH!
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Jul. 15th, 2009 @ 10:05 am
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So, I decided I am going to make a fake I.D. for when I get arrested for any reason. Its going to have a picture of myseeelf, but the name will be
John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt.
When the cop asks if it is me, I am going to say
"NO! That isnt me, its John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt!"
At this point I expect the cop to be angry, confused, etc. He might say something like:
"Well who are you?"
or
"Well whats your name then?"
or
"Why does this persons picture look exactly like you?".
In any case, I will reply while pointing to the fake ID
"Thats John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt, his name is my name too! Whenever we go out, the people always shout, THERE GOES JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIEMER SCHMIDT NANANANANANANA"
I will then insist on explaining over and over again, that the ID is not myself, John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt, but is in fact, John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt. Then I will point out that his name is my name too, and whenever either of us goes out, the people always shout
"There goes John Jacob Jinglehiemer Schmidt nananannanana". Getting quieter every time.
It'll be worth the jail time... soooo worth it.
Also, I am getting the words "HIGH FIVES" Tattooed on the inside of my hands. Everyone loves High Fives, everyone except Texaco employees who wear Cannibal Corpse shirts and throw pipes at thieves! ASSHOLE! |
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NIKOLA TESLA! MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!111!!1!!1!!!!!!!!!!1!1 |
| » Did a littttlelellele |
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Did a little work on my stiknpoke. Got a job at Little Ceasers.. dont know if I said that already... anyway... yeah. Im way to hot right now... fuck, no way to cool down.
Also, let it be known that Phillipe gorged himself to death. He brutally devoured 6 aphids (which are nearly the same size as him in mass) and then stood for several days. Recently he has fallen, never to rise. Phillipe shall not be missed, he was a weak link, and as such, he shall be incinerated so he does not pollute the purity of the Alpha Mantids by being consumed. His ashes will be placed in an unmarked grave in a small Zinc coated iron cask, as I do not want his carbon to infest the habitat until this generation of Mantis has mated and procreated. LONG LIVE THE MANTIS EMPIRE!
Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 11:11 pm
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| » So |
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One of my pet mantids, "Phillpe", hangs out on top of my computer, or the lamp next to my desk. He is in one of those two places all day every day. Its cool. I got to go get him some aphids to eat. I made a little killing field for my Mantids, since the aphids are really slow and cant climb up the walls fast enough, the mantids just rip them apart, its fucking cool.
Jun. 25th, 2009 @ 02:19 pm
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| » First tutoring session. |
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Well, two people stayed, and only for a brief amount of time. Its ok, it means more me time, but I want to be needed! haha.
Target called me back, I might have a job with them, we will see.
Jun. 24th, 2009 @ 02:44 pm
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| » ALIENS! |
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So, this Praying Mantis egg sack just erupted into about a thousand baby mantids while I was at school. I have been watching the egg sack, waiting for it to burst, for a while now. I brought the egg sack inside because it was raining, but the mesh was too big for the mantids, so Nicole had to deal with like 400 mantids crawling all over my desk. I have like 10 sitting on top of my monitor right now, ones trying to get a hair out of its antenna to no avail.
They don't seem too interested in eating each other, that's good I guess, nice mantids. Since I guess most of em booked before I got home, there are only like 30 visible mantids running around. I hope the rest didnt decide to venture into my open computer tower. I don't relish the thought of cleaning out my CPU fan of bug parts.
In other news, the General Chemistry class I am in is waaaaay to easy. I think I am going to try to tutor for upper division credit, otherwise this will be a waste of money.
I see a mantid making a break for the couch.
Jun. 22nd, 2009 @ 02:35 pm
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| » Everything.. |
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is no longer falling apart. Situation fixed... I guess. Just have to get another job now. I dont really have to I suppose... but money is good.
I've been thinking lately... about myself. I realize that I am a pretty shitty person, but I don't know if there is a way to rectify my shittyness. Consciously, I do not wish to be a selfish prick, I really do not take pleasure in ruining everyone's day. I just do what seems the most logical and best idea at the time. When I do things of course, I procrastinate more than anything. In fact, I am writing this because I am procrastinating. I should be sleeping. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why cant I just GO TO SLEEP, or GET A JOB, do my homework, etc. Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult for me. FUCK. I know I am not as lazy as this! but thats the problem, I am not lazy, I bust my ass when I do things... I just dont do them and I DONT KNOW WHY!
All my failed relationships (the good ones anyway, Jesica does not count, she was a crazy bitch and I blame her for everything.) seem to be the product of me knowing something was amiss, and procrastinating for so long before getting to the solution, that the solution never came. Tessin is a great example. When I think about Tessin, I cannot conceive of any logical reason I would have treated her the way I did. None. I cant think of one fucking thing that she said or did that would make me ignore her and basically put zero effort into a relationship. NONE, NOT ONE FUCKING THING. She was pretty much awesome the entire time. Well, until she started banging my doctor.
So what to do? Do I need medication or something? WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO!? I mean, I try, I wake up every day and I am like, Im going to kick ass, get shit done, make my family happy and live a good life. Never works. I fuck up almost everyday... in some way or another. Either I dont do my paper, or I dont take care of my kid, or I treat Devin like an asshole, or I dont go to work, or bla bla bla. 'bout the only thing I am any good at is playing video games and drinking soda.
Fuck.
So tired of myself.
Jun. 18th, 2009 @ 03:25 am
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| » Everything |
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Is falling apart... except my music! woo! its awesome.
Me and Jeremy are working on stuff kinda together now, which is cool, since he knows more about programming than I do, and he needed a willing vocalist. Works for me.
Jun. 12th, 2009 @ 03:18 am
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| » BTW |
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Hive Mind fucking rocks.
Good job me.
You can listen to it here at www.myspace.com/deadnautilus
keep in mind that it doesnt have the vocals yet, which are badass btw.
Jun. 5th, 2009 @ 03:30 pm
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| » All I want to know is.... |
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Why it fucking matters if Jonah was swallowed by a whale of a "great fish". I've seen it happen like 20 times in the last week where somebody says "it wasnt a whale, it was a great fish". WHO THE FUCK CARES?! Whale, fish, whatever! It never happened anyway!
P.S.
Check out my electronic project: www.myspace.com/deadnautilus
Jun. 5th, 2009 @ 04:04 am
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| » Yuck |
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So I took my Chemistry final. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I am still worried that I didn't do good enough to justify full credit, which will be bad. VERY BAD! NOOOO!
Anyway, I still have a bio final and a I need to finish programming. Programming is going to suck. Damn it all!
Im going to have Bryden move in for a month, that way I can pay rent and he wont have to go back to Wisconsin or Illinois or wherever he was going to go.
I got super wasted last night... I was trying to relax and cut loose. So I got drunk at Jeremy's, then I walked over to Caitlin and Carmen's house... that always ends up being weird, I don't know... maybe I'll just avoid those people...Then I went to Bryden. I just acted like I had a British accent and talked a bunch of shit. I don't really remember. Anyway! I got in a verbal fight with his next door neighbours because they are fucking stupid. Troll bitches. I WILL KILL U TROLL BITCH!
Then I stumbled home singing pirate songs. Then I puked a bunch. It sucked.
May. 27th, 2009 @ 03:46 pm
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| » Oh woe is the chemistry student! |
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Okay okay, so here are some of the practice questions from the final:
5) The value of (delta)H for the reaction below is -126 kJ. The amount of heat that is released by the reaction of 25.0 g of with water is __________ kJ.
A) 20.2
B) 40.4
C) 67.5
D) 80.8
E) -126
8) Sodium is much more apt to exist as a cation than is chlorine. This is because __________.
A) chlorine is a gas and sodium is a solid
B) chlorine has a greater electron affinity than sodium does
C) chlorine is bigger than sodium
D) chlorine has a greater ionization energy than sodium does
E) chlorine is more metallic than sodium
22) There are __________ σ and __________ π bonds in the molecule.
A) 3 and 2
B) 3 and 4
C) 4 and 3
D) 2 and 3
E) 5 and 0
and it gets harder. Much harder actually. Those are from the first page of the pretest. So I can answer most of those, but the problem is, if I dont pretty much ace the final, I lose like a shit ton of credit. WOE IS ME!
In better news, I am going to ace the bio final. Thats always good.
May. 25th, 2009 @ 04:26 pm
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| » ;_; |
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Im broke and bills are piling up. :(
Oh stress! Ooooooo
May. 24th, 2009 @ 12:28 am
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| » The new Terminator movie sucked. |
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All my shit keeps being erased! FUCK! I HATE THIS FUCKING AHHH!
May. 21st, 2009 @ 03:31 am
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| » Omegle |
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Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Im not a robot
You: btw
Stranger: i never thought you were
Stranger: until just now
You: Well, I have my doubts sometimes
Stranger: lol, ok
Stranger: it would be cool to be a robot
Stranger: especially a transformer
You: It would be cool to be a human
You: especially David Bowie
Stranger: lol
You: I want to be an Obelisk
You: sometimes...
Stranger: an obelisk, like a big stone pillar
Stranger: why?
You: It seems like it would be a chill existance
You: just... sitting there
You: all tall and pointy and shit
Stranger: right
You: No one fucks with an Obelisk
Stranger: unless they're stealing them, no
You: You ever seen someone steal an Obelisk?
Stranger: no, but i know that you dont build 3000 year old egyptian obelisks in the middle of london and paris
You: maybe the Obelisk is on vacation?
You: Deserts get boring Im sure
Stranger: fair poit, but you dont see the pyramids moving to say, berlin
You: Thats because pyramids are stuck up
Stranger: ok
Stranger: well, i'll leave you to your obelisking
You: They just sit in Egypt and talk to other pyramids
Stranger: goodbye mr not a robot but wants to be an obelisk
You: Goodbye Pyramid sympathizer
May. 19th, 2009 @ 12:52 am
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| » Final Function |
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Viscous blood
On Vicious tongues.
Inset eyes,
Murder, vanity, lies
Putrid stench
On infected breaths.
Numb nerves
Slow heart, cold heart
Dead.
Infest the rest
Primary Function.
Mutilate, Destroy
Secondary Function.
The hunt begins,
Consume, Ingest
Final Function.
Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:39 am
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| » Functional |
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Alkine Alkine Ketone Alkine Acidic Carbonyl Acidic Ketone Carboxyl Ad Nauseum
Apr. 14th, 2009 @ 11:35 am
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